A Framework to Guide Us
How have you been?
Things are good on my end. By good, I mean: confusion, brain fog, quiet, appreciation, disbelief, belief, connecting, creativity, peace, staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, walks, worry, deep rest, insomnia, extra coffee, gratitude, mask-making, spring flowers, deep sleep, meditation, happy hour, wind, distraction, social media holidays, astrology, loneliness, cozy mornings, relief, joy, anger, Netflix binging, fear, anxiety, hypochondria, Outlander, daytime pajamas, new routines, love, uncertainty, Beachbody, laughing at the smallest things, comfort foods, huge grocery bills, Zoom, crying “for no reason”, candles, yoga, bird-watching, sadness, insights.
All the things. Sometimes in a single day.
How about you? I know some people are thriving and others are just getting by. Some are incredibly busy, some are in emergency mode, and others are restless and bored. Some people’s work just became essential and others have uncertainty. But, one thing is common – we’ve all been through an event that changed our daily routines and our outlook for the future.
As well, there is so much conflicting information, or no information, or too much information all at once. It’s easy to get lost in it all and wonder where we’re all going.
I am an optimist by nature, and I have an unwavering faith that human ingenuity will prevail. We’ll figure this out. We’ll get moving again. In the meantime, here we are.
A collective Square One.
The pandemic has not affected me directly yet for which I’m grateful, and my heart goes out to you if it has affected you and your loved ones in any way. Sending you lots of love and comfort as you navigate troubled waters. If you’re a health care worker or on the front lines, I am just so grateful to you every day. You can’t see me, but I can see you.
I’m still working, coaching, creating, talking to people regularly on Zoom and on the phone.
Yet, I’m having a hard time writing. When I’m writing I really notice my brain fog. It’s hard to focus and finish. As well, I’m even more sensitive than usual. It’s slowly getting better!
The good news is that there is a good explanation for feeling disoriented and out of sorts, and that explanation is found in The Change Cycle, which is a foundational framework In the coaching method I use. Change follows in a typical pattern, even in abnormal times such as these. We’re unwillingly thrown into a Change Cycle, and that Change Cycle begins with a Square One.
Some coaches build their entire coaching practices on helping people through Square One’s. They’re that significant. And, for the first time, we’re all in this giant Square One where no one has answers. But, we do have ways to navigate it. That’s the good news.
It’s uncomfortable. Things are uncertain and unclear. It feels almost impossible to move forward. That’s the bad news. I do a more thorough explantation of Square One here. It’s worth a read if you’re feeling out of sorts.
Trauma with a small t.
Which leads me to the topic of trauma with a small t. Or, maybe it’s a big t, depending on your situation. If we think of this “event” as a trauma, it might be a good first step to feeling better. Because, it gives us permission to feel what we feel without judging ourselves. it allows us to have concerns, and find ways to address these concerns. Things like:
~ Realizing that brain fog and trouble concentrating are typical and not something to push through or overcome.
~ Even though you’re “fine”, there’s a very good reason why you may be feeling physical symptoms like tightness in your chest, or a rapid heart rate, or trouble breathing. Stress shows up in our bodies.
~ It’s not unusual to lose your appetite or crave comfort foods. Or both.
~ Fears, worries, anxieties are normal.
There are tried and tested tools that can ground you and help you feel better again:
~ Deep breathing
~ Befriending your body (walking, body scans, feeling your feet, eating well, moving, resting)
~ Using your imagination instead of letting it use you (catching yourself when you dwell on worst-case scenarios and proactively imagining better scenarios)
~ Being gentle and understanding with yourself and with others.. We’re all doing the best we can.
More details on tools that help can be found here.
Sometimes a metaphor helps.
I’ve kind of come to picture it like this …
I’m sitting around a campfire in the woods at night. The fire is warm and crackling, my belly is full, I’m with my love. Everything is good. Yet, the light from the fire only reaches so far. And in the dark beyond, I hear a low growl, a snapped twig. I pull another log (or toilet paper roll) from the large pile and throw it onto the fire. For a moment, it flares and warms my skin and the circle of light it casts grows larger.
I’m safe. Yet, when I do a body scan, I notice something. It’s a rock of fear sitting inside my belly. I don’t always feel it, yet when I stop to notice, there it is. It never goes away. It exhausts me, even when I am not fully aware of it.
Trauma with a small t can live right below the surface making you irritable, tired, lethargic. You think you are feeling out of sorts for “no reason”. But, if you can accept the reason, you can proactively manage it.
A guide to navigate your way.
That’s why I’ve been working on a Guide for these times. Even though we’re considering emerging in some way, you’re not alone if you feel the need for some support.
I’m pulling together some resources to help you feel more grounded. It will include things like: guided meditations, some Chakra work, and frameworks to guide your thinking when you get off track. It’s a work in progress and it’s going kind of slow (understatement – see brain fog comment above).
If there's something you need...
If there’s something you need, and I can help, please ask. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Literally. I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere. 🙂
