Revisit Your Values
Create Your Own Guidance System
Who needs values anyway?
If life is easy and going your way, knowing your values isn’t a priority. But, when you’re feeling stuck or trying to make a decision, getting clear on them can really help.
Spending even a short amount of time exploring your values can create clarity around what really matters to you – what you can live with and what you can’t. When you’re clear, you can use them to guide you to asking tough questions and living in a way that’s true to you. It’s not always easy, but it can infuse your life with meaning as your outside world is an expression of your inside world. And vice versa.
What are values anyway?
In my most recent corporate gig, my team took the lead on rebranding a company. That meant a name-change and so much more. One of the hottest debates centered on company values for this evolving company – yay or nay?
Those not in favor of company values argued that they just became an irrelevant sign on a boardroom wall with generic words like integrity, authenticity, hard-work. They allowed an executive team to check a box, but meant nothing. This group wanted us to stand for something and express it in everything we said and did.
Those of us for values (ok, me) agreed with all that, but also felt that people needed this to be articulated. They needed some agreed-upon guide posts, something more concrete to look to when creating products and making decisions.
We never truly came to an agreement, but ever since then I’ve been so interested values and the role they play both in business and in our personal lives.
It doesn't have to be so complicated.
During this whole process I actually got confused about what values even were. After much research and thought, I’ve boiled it down to something simple. For individuals, it’s noticing what’s in your life and realizing you value it. Or not. So, “I value the beautiful flower art in my living room.” becomes “I value beauty. I value nature.”
It can be that simple, but for some reason we like to complicate it. We don’t have to get into vague words like “family values”. I think it’s these larger concepts confuse us by not really meaning anything to us. They’re what the culture tells us to value. But, what do we value?
Mid-life e-value-ating. See what I did there?
I believe that there is something to be said for revisiting our values at mid-life. Things have changed. You’ve changed. Where we once took on the values of the culture, we’re now looking at what we really value. We have some pavement under our feet. Through experience, and a process of curation, we know what we like and don’t like. Our homes reflect this and, in turn, reflect what we value most.
Instead of being told what to value, we now want what resonates deeply with us. This might mean that the things we accumulated earlier in life no longer have that zing. We can let them go and make room for what we value now.
If you’re wondering why the things in your life, that once fit like a glove, no longer resonate with you, perhaps re-e-value-ating will provide some insight.
Clues are all around me.
Here’s a simple way to access your values. They’re in your home and in your work. You can walk into any room in your home and see what you value. It’s all there. Or not. It just takes a little intention and a small amount of effort and may provide a big payoff.
Use curiosity instead of judgement. For example, if you are a champion of the environment but your car isn’t very fuel efficient, you might wonder about that. Do you value comfort over the environment? Or personal safety?
It’s worthwhile to dig a little deeper, because you already are thinking and acting based on your values.
This exercise brings them into your consciousness. Then, you get to decide if you like them or if you’d like to use your values to live more intentionally. For example, it’s not wrong to value comfort over the environment, but it’s good to realize you’re doing it. And, if you don’t like that you’re doing it, you can make a different choice that reflects who you are today.
Step 1
Grab a journal and a pen and start in your living room. Look around the room. What does this room mean to you? What have you fillled it with? What is on the walls? Is it cozy or sleek? Is it full or sparse? What’s missing? What do you wish it had?
For me, I see comfortable furniture, though it’s not set up optimally for conversation, and the chair needs to be reupholstered. I see the colors of nature on the walls and in the wall art. It’s quiet and peaceful. The light is just right. I love the fireplace, but I’d like to replace the wall art above it with a more meaningful photograph. I’d like to look at a place I love.
My values from my living room:
- comfort
- beauty
- peace
- nature
- space
- privacy
- quiet
- a good configuration of furniture, with up-to-date furniture (This is an interesting one – whenever we plan to spend money on this, Bruce Springsteen goes on tour and we spend our money on that instead.)
- So, entertainment, fun, friends, and nourishing our souls is more important to us than up-to-date furniture.
- I want to feel more a part of this room with more personal touches.
Step 2
The kitchen. I see recipe books and fruit on the counter. The cupboards are full so I have a lot of options at any given time. I’d rather cook than eat out or get take-out. I have all the tools I need. It’s not pretty though and the floors are cold and hard to clean. The lack of natural light makes it a hideaway rather than an integral part of the home.
My values:
- health
- creativity
- functionality
- abundance
- being a master
- independence
- integration of this part of my life into the rest of my life
- beauty
- ease
Step 3
The family room. Floor to ceiling book shelves. A large collection of CD’s and DVD’s. (What are all those square things on those shelves ask the kids? Ha!). A flat screen hidden in an armoir – mix of modern and old. Furniture that could use a little sprucing up, a rug that could use a lot of sprucing up.
My values:
- knowledge
- wisdom
- life-long learning
- art – music, writing, photography
- storytelling
- the softening that entertainment provides to our lives (feeling this acutely during the pandemic)
What’s missing
- comfort
- beauty
- an updated view on how and what nourishes me in this area of my life
- less is more (being in the present, letting go of what no longer serves me) (aka, get rid of some of those books!)
You get the idea. Continue to other parts of your house.
As you go through different rooms in your house, are there themes? Do some rooms feel perfect? Are others lost to time like my family room? Sometimes it’s what’s there that’s most relevant and sometimes it’s what’s missing that is.
Has anything changed? For example, I have turned the corner on collecting things and now want to be free of things. “I value quiet,” would never have crossed my lips a couple of decades ago.
Look for clues.
Your kids may leave clutter in your living room and you’re okay with that. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t allow it. There’s a value in there. Meanwhile, the culture is telling you to Marie Kondo it. Maybe you don’t want to. Maybe you decide to leave it cluttered because you like your kids to feel at home. Unlike me, you may have nothing on your kitchen counters at all. Your bedroom may have a TV or desk in there that doesn’t jive with your value of intimacy or peace.
Maybe you have a house in the suburbs because, years ago you wanted a quiet street. But now, you’re looking for more connection or community. It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to move, but helps you notice and then create what you need.
You can go out into your yard and find clues, take a look at your car, or go into your office for work values. You can even look at your vision board for clues. Travel, anyone?
Has the pandemic brought clarity?
Do you miss unexpected things, or not miss things you thought were essential? Has real connection become more important or do you crave casual connections?
As so many divisive opinions surface, would having clarity on what you value help you navigate the choices you make in the coming months? Like shopping locally, or supporting a certain charity, or really exploring what health means to you. Here’s an article outlining how the pandemic (and quarantine) has changed many of us. The new habits reflect a shift in values. Can you relate?
How do you sort through the “shoulds” of society and make choices aligned with who you are and who you want to be? Especially in these times.
Keep it simple.
Use the simple phrase, “I value … “. Then fill in the blank. Keep it simple; you can dive deeper later. Maybe use post-it notes instead of a journal.
There are many ways to explore your values, but they don’t all deliver useful results. I have found this way simple and useful. You can think of it as a sketch and if you want to dive deeper you can. Maybe you get it started and then when a decision comes up, you already have this list and can really put it to use and refine it. You can think about it as you walk through your house, or think about updating your house.
Make a master list of that which you value. Don’t worry about the length just yet – keep it short, keep it long. It doesn’t matter. You can refine it later. It might just be good enough the way it is. The idea is to be conscious about your values.
Even better, make it a living document. Pin it to your vision board (or somewhere else you can see it) and live with it for a bit. Add things that come up, cross off things that don’t really resonate anymore. It’s not a new project to complete, it’s living with awareness.
Widen your circle.
You can stop here and see if the exercise is generating something useful for you. Or, you can widen the circle to your street, your neighborhood, your friends’ homes, your town, your city.
You can use this to look at your job or the company you work for. Do they match you? Is this what’s making you restless? Can you change things within your job or your department so you have better alignment? Can you choose projects that are better aligned? If you’re looking to make a move, can you use values as one of your evaluation tools?
The next time you have to make a decision that feels difficult, take a look at your values. Do they remind you of what’s important to you now? Do you have aspirational values and this decision will reflect those? Are you making a choice that makes your values clearer to you?
If you’re in a disagreement with your spouse or a family member, does it come down to what you value. Can you use this information to help you articulate why something is important to you.
This is a sketch of your values. There are ways to go deeper. But, this might be good enough for now.
