The time of fitting in is over.
It’s time to stand out.
Stand out?
If the idea of standing out spikes your anxiety, you are not alone! We’ve been trained since such a young age to fit in, to sit quietly in class, to wear what everyone else is wearing, to choose a “good” career.
But, there comes a time in life, usually in mid-life, when fitting in at work isn’t so easy anymore. What once seemed second nature becomes hard – not saying what you really think about that stupid project; going along with the so-called “new” way of doing things (the way that turned into a disaster when your company tried it out ten years ago); having a younger know-it-all boss who thinks pulling all-nighters is fun.
Fitting in is a survival strategy, and it’s a good strategy. So when you are biting your tongue a lot at work, it puts that strategy in jeopardy. Sometimes I help my clients continue to fit in (e.g. when they’re close to retirement), and sometimes I help them break free (e.g. when they’re ready for the next chapter of their careers).
Breaking free generally means you have to stand out.
When women are leaving their corporate jobs, they’re often upleveling or making a lateral move to another company, or have a desire to start their own business. All these moves require becoming visible in some way.
It means leaving your comfort zone, which can often be more difficult than you expect. There are a lot of forces at work, that live below our conscious awareness, that are designed to keep us safe and in our comfort zones. This can mean that, even though we really want something, we don’t make a move. It can be so frustrating to have this pattern repeat over and over again.
I find that this is the place most women get stuck, and then they make it mean something about themselves. They begin to buy into the idea that they don’t have what it takes to make a big move. Nothing could be further from the truth.
No more waiting.
The real champion of fitting in vs standing out is Carl Jung. He called it individuation. It happens at midlife when we feel a call to something more meaningful, something more suited to who we are and whatwe want in life.
He says the first half of life is all about fitting in so we can build a foundation, and the second half of life is meant for standing out. By that he means, it’s time to understand what lights you up. You’re no longer in service to society, but in service to yourself. We’re not used to that!
He says that the reason we stay stuck in our comfort zones is because of maladaptive strategies and worn-out roles (that we developed when we were young) that lead to procrastination, avoiding, and other behaviors that keep you stuck.
The good news is that there are so many ways to get unstuck.
There are so many techniques and tools that can help you get unstuck so you can move beyond your comfort zone. You don’t have to stay stuck. If you’ve tried tools like meditation and they haven’t really worked for you, don’t stop there. There are so many more!
Your toolbelt.
Below is a table that shows the many tools I’ve used and also teach my clients. I know the chart is small, but the idea is to give you a feeling of abundance, rather than making you feel like you have to use them all.
The tools on the left are more simple and can be done independently and the ones on the right require more effort. An example I like to use is if you’re not one for meditation, you can still get to that meditative state more quickly by using Internal Family Systems or Byron Katie’s The Work.
You can choose tools that are suited to you and where you are on your journey.
When you're ready stand out, there's a tool for you.
There are so many techniques and tools that can help you get unstuck so you can do what you came here to do. You don’t have to stay stuck.
When you feel that calling on your life, that call to more meaning, and you’re tired of fitting in, it might be time to stand out and do what you’re meant to do.
Stay Sensitive.
