You are not the problem.
Lately, I’ve noticed an interesting pattern. It’s this: When something in life or work isn’t working, women blame themselves . That’s the knee-jerk, first reaction.
- “I still don’t know what I want. What’s wrong with me?”
- “I’m such a procrastinator.”
- I said I was going to do that, and I didn’t. I’m so tired of me and my crap.”
It’s true, you can’t change other people; you can only change yourself. But, why are we so quick to turn it into blame and shame directed at ourselves?
Has the self-care industry gone too far?
There is no lack of messaging telling you what you *should* do. Be more confident! Meditate every day! Stand up for yourself! Get better boundaries! Stop procrastinating!
This has been so helpful to us, but I’m wondering if we’ve gotten off-track.
Does the belief that we need to be better versions of ourselves actually stop us from living the lives we want to live?
What if you are not the problem?
What if we’re all focusing on one-size-fits-all problems that someone else says needs fixing and it’s not even our problem at all? Of course, we could all use more confidence. But, what if it’s not exactly what you need right now? Not for where you want to go or for what you want to do.
To take that even further, what if there is nothing wrong with you? What if you are not the problem at all? What if you truly are a work in progress and always will be. If you could embrace that, you could also accept that you’re never going to cross a line where you’re now problem-free.
That means you’re free to start. Like, right now. Yikes.
is this why you're stuck at the starting line?
What if all this self-improvement is encouraging you to live inside your head, and not in the real world? If this is true, then:
- You are always at the starting line, but never in the race.
- You are perpetually on the runway, never taking off.
- You are sitting in your car in your driveway, never getting on the road.
Living inside your head, thinking you need to fix something about yourself is painful and potentially a red herring. Your work is never done, and you’re left perpetually feeling untapped potential within you.
Consider this: Maybe, you don’t need more confidence, better boundaries, less anxiety at this exact moment.
A doable, customized journey.
I believe that life gives you a customized journey that equips you with exactly what you need to live a regret-free life. When you don’t have to tackle a whole concept and “fix” yourself, you’re free to get going and tackle what comes up.
When you set out on the path to make a dream come true, a barrier will appear. It will take the form of doubt, anxiety, uncertainty, fear. But, it will be focused on a certain action you’ve decided to take, but that you find incredibly difficult. That’s your work right there.
You don’t have to solve the whole concept of, for example, confidence. You just need enough to get over this one barrier. You do it, and you gain a custom-made piece of confidence that you tuck away and take with you.
Another barrier appears and another. You work, one-by-one, on your own personal barriers, removing them, and making progress. Along the way, you collect the perfect amount of confidence (or whatever it is you need) to complete your journey.
Take a step outside your head.
Think of something small that you want. Let it be vague. You don’t need the whole picture. Lean into your yearning. What’s the smallest, most obvious, easiest step you could take this week to move closer to having it? What could be a quick win?
Maybe you want to volunteer somewhere. Or, there’s a company that intrigues you. Or, you want to write that novel.
It could be as simple as googling something, or looking up someone at an organization you admire on Linkedin, or driving by that place you’ve been curious about. Or, pulling out that blank paper and writing ten words.
Free to be you.
Imagine for a moment that you are perfect the way you are. No problems to fix. You’re free to begin.
Take a tiny step outside your head. Give yourself a quick win. You won’t believe how good it will feel.
