Envy.
Dark or Light?
Does envy help us or hinder us?
In a Facebook post this week, Jann Arden described the first time she saw Anne Murray on American television. As a young, Canadian musician, she saw another Canadian musician doing something seemingly impossible. Just like that, everything changed.
Seeing Anne Murray on, not just a television show, but on an American one, sparked something in her. In an instant, a whole range of things became possible.
She went on to become one of Canada’s favourite musicians.
Envy?
Was it envy? Maybe. More likely, Anne Murray was what Lacy Phillips at the Expanded Podcast calls an “expander”. Lacy’s theory is that you need to see people doing “your thing” to open up the possibility in you.
Until you see it, it might never occur to you that it’s out there in the universe, waiting to be discovered.
An expander can be virtually anyone who has or is doing what you want. Until you see them, you didn’t even realize it was a possibility.
You know you’ve found an expander when you feel like Jann Arden. You feel a spark of recognition inside of you, followed by awe and curiousity.
Envy. What exactly is it?
We live in a culture that is often very black and white. Things are either good or bad, in or out, popular or cancelled. In truth, there are likely many variants in between.
In this light, it’s very easy to see someone out in the world, doing exactluy what you’d like to be doing, feel that pang of envy, and turn away. I get it. It can hurt.
We’ve all felt that unwanted pang of envy when someone is or has something that is lacking in us – maybe it’s beauty, or a relationship, or work they love.
Also, we’re taught that envy isn’t a good thing. In fact, it’s one of the seven deadly sins in Catholicism.
It feels petty and bitter. It can make you do or say things that don’t feel like you. It’s no wonder we avoid feeling it.
The exalted side of envy.
The logical conclusion is to not feel it, to turn away from it. But, dark sides of things also have light sides, exalted sides.
The concept of “expanders” helps us see the light in our envy. Sticking with it for a minute and gathering information from it can transform dark envy into exalted envy, into expansion. With some mindfulness, that person or thing can become a beautiful beacon in our lives.
Mine is horses (among other things).
For example, on a hike several years ago, we emerged from a New Jersey Pine Barrens trail to see a huge trailer with these words emblazoned across it: In the Company of Horses.
I froze. I didn’t know what it meant, but something inside me wanted it. Bad. I got home and googled it and thus began my journey with horses.
To this day, when someone is working with horses in a way that rings the bell of m soul, I can still get a big, ugly envy feeling. I remind myself that it doesn’t have to be dark. If I slow it down, and mine the moment, It can merely be a signal that I’m off course. I can get back on course. I can use the information to expand.
What are you envious of? Could you turn it into an expander?
A couple of weeks ago, I asked you what fascinated you. Fascination is a clue to your purpose. This week, the question is, “What or who are you envious of?” If you’re not feeling envy at the moment, try seeking it out. Dig around in an area that interests you. Talk to people. Google. Follow the trail on Instagram. Find people who are living the life you’d like to live.
Feel your feelings and use them as guidance tools. Use your envy for good. Slow it down to mine the information out of it. What exactly is it that sets off that spark (either light or dark) within you? Is it possible that this person is an expander in your life, providing clues to what you really yearn for. Perhaps with a little bit of attention, you can turn a tor-mentor into a mentor.
Pay attention to your envy. Pull it out of the shadows and into the light. Let it expand you and help guide you to your purpose, like Jann Arden letting Anne Murray show her the way.
