How would being more confident change things for you?
What could you be, do, have?
The Mystery of Confidence.
How would your life be different if you had more confidence in yourself?
If you’re like me, you probably already know a lot about confidence. You’ve read books and articles, and have had moments of great confidence.
But, what if you could really feel deep and authentic confidence within yourself, as a way of life?
Imagine what it would be like to be confident.
You up for a super-quick exercise? Let’s do it. Imagine a situation where you wish you had more confidence. Maybe it’s in meetings. Maybe it’s when you’re reaching out to new people. Maybe you want to try that new thing, but you never do.
Now, imagine your most confident self in that situation. You’re fully you, doing what you’re meant to be doing at that moment. Maybe you’re giving a powerful presentation, or showing up and contributing meaningfully to a conversation, or you’re taking the initiative and introducing yourself to someone you really want to connect with. Or, you easily and quickly write that initial email to get started on something and feel great about it.
Connect with that feeling. Really feel it in your body. Embody confidence.
You are an expert on confidence.
By doing this mini exercise, does it becomes clear that that you know exactly what confidence is and how it would look on you? You even know, right off the bat, how it would make your life better.
You don’t really need words to describe it when you step out of your mind for a moment and really embody it.
It’s in you already. There’s nothing to fix. It’s just something to discover by removing the things that are covering it up.
When you think you're done, you've just begun.
The first step to changing something is often awareness. You start to notice a pattern or that you’re getting stuck. So, you seek out new information.
You do a questionnaire … Yes! That’s me! I’m a (fill in the blank). Or you read something and it resonates right to your core. You feel seen! It’s such a relief.
But, then, over time, you realize that nothing has really changed. The knowledge didn’t create the shift you’d hoped it would.
You’ve grasped the concept. Maybe you’ve even really dug in and become and expert at it. But, nothing has changed.
Don’t despair. When you think you’re done, you’ve just begun.
The Confidence Formula
What has become clear to me over the last couple of years, studying this, helping others with this is that confidence is acquired through small, deliberate steps towards goals.
If you’re waiting to have confidence before you begin, you won’t have it. So, you won’t begin.
If you’re studying or reading your way into confidence, you’ll know all about it, which is different from having it.
If you’re faking it, you’re being really hard on yourself and maybe even going backwards.
The Confidence Formula is simple. In fact, you probably already know it, but you’re not doing it.
- You have a dream and make it a beacon in your future,
- Create a goal related to that dream,
- Come back to the present and take tiny steps towards your goal.
You feel the satisfaction and efficacy of each tiny step.
When you get stuck, you get curious and compassionate. You wonder why. You sit with it. You use tools. You have an ah-ha and get going again.
You learn to count on yourself.
Through mindful effort, being super kind and supportive to yourself, respecting your fears, and taking small steps, you learn to count on yourself.
Creating confidence feels good. It builds and what once seemed impossible becomes possible. How do you know that? Because you’re doing it!
Then you notice what that feels like. It feels like confidence.
Repeat.
What doesn't work.
Wishing you had confidence.
Believing that others are confident, but it’s not in the cards for you.
Gathering more and more information, without taking action.
Thinking there’s something wrong with you.
Closing your eyes and leaping.
Have big dreams. Create smaller goals. Start as small as possible.
Knowledge is a key ingredient. But don’t stop there. Take the steps to turn that knowledge into confidence.
