Why is Staying the First Step to Leaving?
(It’s part of the Go Slow to Go Fast Method.)
Stay? Really???
One area of my coaching is helping women leave corporate careers and move into new chapters in their careers.
Once someone has decided to leave the corporate world, the last thing they want to hear is that they might want to investigate staying. However, I recommend that this be part of the process.
(Disclaimer: This doesn’t apply to abusive or toxic situations where the best option may be to move on.)
Why stay?
“Everywhere you go, there you are.” Sometimes we carry our problems with us wherever we go. We leave one work situation, wiping our brows with relief, only to have the same thing occur again and again. What’s up with that?
Unpacking “what’s yours” and “what’s their’s” can make a huge difference. In last week’s post, I likened it to the difference between redecorating your existing house and buying a new house. Why move when a fresh coat of paint will give you the same result?
For that reason, it’s wise to look at specific challenges within your current work and see if they are an opportunity to do your own work on yourself.
The stories that sabotage us.
Everyone has stories and beliefs deeply embedded within their being. Some are helpful and propel us towards the good things in life and some are unhelpful and stand in the way, over and over and over again.
There are common stories within our culture, among us women, and we also have our own individual stories based on our past. These can come in clusters and can be deep and enduring. The deep ones are part of our identity. We truly can’t see them. But, they show up every day whether we see them or not.
The False Self
The unhelpful ones that block us are the stories of the False Self. These stories fuel:
- doubt
- anxiety
- uncertainty
- bitterness
- add yours here
Unexamined, these stories undermine us. They feel absolutely true. Except none of them are true, except for in our own heads.
The False Self isn’t some bad guy. It’s a part of us that is trying to keep us safe, but it’s methods are out-dated and not helpful at this stage of life. We don’t want it to go away. We want it to chill.
The True Self
Underneath the False Self is your True Self. It’s always there. It’s calm, confident, courageous, curious.
Standing between your False Self and your True Self is your imagination, which keeps you locked into the world of your False Self. Here’s the key: Each story of the False Self projects itself onto the real world. Here’s the kicker: What you think is happening might not actually be happening.
For example, you might have a story like, “Nothing I do is good enough.” This actually may serve you in your career in that it might propel you to work harder than others, to prove you’re good enough. As a result, you shine and get promoted more often. The other side of the coin is when people tell you that you did a great job, you never believe them. You may even think they’re saying nice things to manipulate you. You might project onto them that they are after your job. You might make a decision to go after a project they wanted or you avoid them. All this, when someone may have just meant, “You did a great job!” and could be an important ally for you.
Be a detective.
It can get really tricky. But, you can find these stories and dissolve them. A clue to finding stories is thinking about the mysteries in your life: Why you can’t get that promotion, why you’re the one putting in all the extra hours when no one else is, why you’re afraid to present your ideas to others. It could be your False Self at work, stirring things up.
Peeling away the layers.
To see the False Self’s stories for what they are … stories … removes the fog, the confusion, the patterns that do not serve you. Creating awareness introduces a new clarity, calmness, and confidence. As you peel away the layers, you begin to operate from your True Self.
The Real World
When you undo the stories of the False Self, your newfound clarity helps you see what’s really around you. With renewed confidence, you might propose a new and exciting position within your own company and start something new that really excites you. Or, you might decide to leave.
You can see what’s yours and what’s theirs. You’re acting on your own behalf and can count on yourself, more than ever, to do what’s best for you.
