Feel like you're spinning?
Feel like you're spinning?
It’s been really cold, snowy, and icy here in New Jersey, which is unusual. I had a moment this morning, on my way to Wegman’s, where I got stuck at an icy intersection, spinning my wheels.
It seemed logical to press harder on the gas to get unstuck, but that only made my wheels spin faster, and I got nowhere. I had to stop, go in reverse, to get out of that rut, and then go forward slowly.
I love a good metaphor, so I thought, “Wait a minute. Where else do I feel this spinning feeling in my life?” For me, it’s in my business. I thought when the uncertainty of 2020 ended, I would rocket forward, but I’ve been spinning, and I wondered if you too might be spinning in some area of your life. Do any of these feel familiar?
- Is it worth planning ahead?
- Am I on solid ground?
- What unexpected thing is going to come up and derail me?
- Should I wait until things feel more certain?
- Should I go? Now? is it too late?
- Should I even do a vision board?
- Is sitting tight a good strategy?
Asking these questions keep you spinning. The real problem is that spinning isn’t anywhere near resting. It’s an expenditure of energy with no result to show for it, except exhaustion.
What's the cost of spinning?
The cost of spinning is in the stress you’re adding to your life. When you’re spinning, there’s an urgency to it. There’s a need for speed. You feel like you should be somewhere else, doing something else, but really you just want to go, go, go. But, you jump from thing to thing. Nothing feels right. So you stay stuck and spinning.
A quick way to slow it down.
Take a moment. Take a breath. Get curious about the spinning. Ask yourself how you feel towards the spinning and what it’s costing you. Frustrated? Afraid? Annoyed? Just notice that feeling. Another question … How is the spinning helping you? Who would I be without the spinning? if you pause to really answer the questions, you can create a little wiggle room between you and the spinning. Perhaps you feel a little relief, or a little space.
Creating space for yourself.
When you feel that relief, you are creating some space for yourself, so you feel more clear and calm. When you feel clear and calm, you can feel into what you really want right now.
One of the basic tenets of coaching is that you make better decisions from that quiet, calm, confident place inside you. That means it’s always worth it to find ways to access that place within yourself.
When you’re calm, you feel more like you. You can see your next steps more clearly. You can get back to work. Or decide to rest. You can stop spinning.
If you'd like to get back on track and make the most of 2021.
2020 put a lot of things on pause. But, is that still the right strategy for 2021? If you’re not sure. Or you’re having a hard time getting started on your next project or your next chapter, how about taking that first step?
I do free planning sessions designed to help you get clear about what you want, what’s been getting in the way, and we identify next steps that feel just right.
Not only can you stop spinning, but you can feel the relief of getting started. You can book either a 30 minute or 60 minute session at the link below.
If you'd like to go deeper, you can try this longer, more detailed version of the same exercise.
If you feel like you’re spinning, stop, and notice where you feel that in your body. (This enquiry process will only take a few minutes, and you’ll feel more relaxed after.)
For me, it’s a pressure on my back, a pushing feeling, along with an unsettled feeling in my stomach. If you’re spinning (or feeling something similar), try describing the feeling. Notice the feeling and where is it in your body?
Here is the big question: how do you feel about that feeling? Take a moment and maybe imagine yourself taking an imaginary step back from the feeling of spinning and notice how you feel towards it. For example, I feel IMPATIENT with the non-productive spinning. I want to get going. I’m tired of spinning. The impatience is in my throat. Hmmm. Interesting.
Imagine another step backwards … now, how do you feel towards this second feeling (e.g. impatience)? Take a moment to notice how you actually feel it in your body. I feel FRUSTRATED. That’s a cold stone in the pit of my stomach.
Another step back … how do you feel towards that feeling? I feel a little calmer. And now, I can now see that there is a lot going on here: spinning, impatience, frustration. I slip into curiosity. What’s going on? It’s a lot. No wonder I’m confused and going in circles.
With that last step backwards, I feel calm and curious. If you don’t feel that yet, maybe there’s another feeling you’re having. Keep noticing the different feelings until you notice a calm feeling emerging within you.
A conversation with the part of me that's spinning.
Now that I’ve created a little space, I can have a 1:1 conversation with the part of me that’s spinning. First, I acknowledge and thank the frustrated and impatient parts of me. I don’t push past them or they may resist. It’s more like a four-way conversation. Very gently and compassionately, I get to know the spinning part of me.
Me: Spinning part … thanks for all you’re doing … can you tell me your purpose?
Spinning part: I’m getting you going, revved up. We gotta go!
Me: But, we’re not going anywhere.
Spinning Part: Don’t worry about it. Gotta go! Let’s go!
Me: What are you afraid will happen if you don’t spin?
Spinning part: Well, you’ll just be standing there. Doing nothing. That won’t work. Let’s go! We need to be productive!
When you’re doing this, you start to notice that the Spinning part doesn’t exactly make sense nor does it have the entire picture. It’s trying to help, but it’s literally gone into overdrive and shut everything else out. It’s in the driver’s seat. It’s not making room for the other parts of you that are wise and knowledgable.
Create the space to see what's helpful and what's not.
The first step in any process is to create some awareness, to notice what’s going on within you. Slowing it down and noticing that the spinning part is trying to help can make you curious about what you could do instead.
You become more present, and then you can decide what might be a good next step. Maybe you need to ask some questions. Maybe you need to do some research. Maybe you need to adjust your goal or figure out a great next step.
Your curiosity and creativity get engaged and you start to get ideas that you didn’t have access to you before.
There's a part of me ...
If you’ve ever said, “There’s a part of me that wants to, and there’s a part of me that doesn’t,” then you know you can hold more than one idea at a time. Neither part is wrong, you’re just trying to figure out which part will be most helpful right now.
There is tremendous relief in just noticing and creating some space for yourself. Your body may sigh with relief.
The first step is slowing down and noticing what’s happening, so you can make some different decisions that will help you get where you want to go.
