Stories drive action. Or, they keep you stuck.

I was listening to Jen Sincero, the author of You’re a Badass (a book I highly recommend) being interviewed on a podcast. She talks a lot about mindset and the stories we tell ourselves. She said this, and it really stood out for me: “Awareness is they key to transformation. We get so stuck in our stories and in our excuses that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. We take them as fact and as the truth.”

It’s so true for me and I’m wondering if it resonates with you too. We tell ourselves so many stories. Some helpful; some not so much. In midlife, we add a few more unhelpful ones.

This week, I worked one of my enduring stories with my coach. “No one wants me.” The updated version is, “No one wants me because of my age.” I just turned 60 so I’m really feeling this these days.

This story is part of my operating system. It runs beneath the surface and any evidence that this might be true triggers me.

When I tell myself this story, I react by getting anxious, shutting down, hiding, wanting to give up. This story completely drains all my power away. 

My coach and I spent an hour on this single story. It’s that deep for me. Is it helpful for me to tell myself this story over and over and over? No. I know this, but it doesn’t stop this story from bubbling up.

She asked me, “Who would you be without this story?’ 

I sat with that question until something shifted. Without this story, I’m just me. I’m curious and calm.

We continued with some turnarounds.

“Someone wants me despite my age.” (I don’t need everyone to want me. Who does?)

“Someone wants me because of my age.” (Is it possible that my age could make me more wanted by someone?)

A pithy, positive affirmation, “Everyone wants me!” didn’t ring true. But, something like “I want me because of my age,” reminded me that it starts with me. There’s some work to do there.

These new versions of the story, begin with a pinprick of light, of hope.

We started talking about how this story hands my power over to others. But, it is just a story. My power, my agency, my Self is always within me, buried beneath this disempowering story. 

I don’t need to change me or my age. I just need to tell myself better, truer, more fine-tuned stories.

A better story makes me come alive again. I come out of hiding. I see my shame and feel compassion for myself. I get back to my day.

What midlife stories are you telling yourself? Are they helpful or are they keeping you stuck?