Finding Your Calm Center
Even in tough times.
What's going on?
I had a completely different blog post written, but what seemed like a good idea a couple of days ago, seems out of place right now. I was thinking you might be feeling unsettled as we hear of pandemics and closings and toilet paper hoarding.
What are we to do?
So much of our lives, especially in these times, involves looking outside ourselves for answers. But, like most things, there are diminishing returns on this. I have found that I need to limit myself on google and social media. I feel better when I do that.
Turn to yourself.
My suggestion. Look outside, find a trusted source or two, get the latest, but then turn it off. Look within yourself for what you know to be true. Right now, you are safe. You are doing the responsible thing, finding information to remain safe. What’s next?
Finding your calm center.
Stress affects your immune system. So getting calm is something else you can proactively do if you want to help out. Here are some tools I use for myself and with my clients. Try the one (or ones) that feel good to you. Or, do them in order and see how it feels.
Breathe.
We’ve all heard it a million times. That’s because it works. Deep breathing drags air over your vagus nerve, which activates your parasympathetic nervous system. You are proactively telling your body you are safe. Your mind will tell you it’s boring. Thank you for sharing mind.
Ten deep breaths right into your lower belly. It’s called Soft Belly breathing and it’s used as a first step for people with anxiety, for people in war zones, for pretty much any time you need to find peace within.
It’s free. It’s easy. You can do it any time of the day or night.
Climb into your body.
Start by putting your attention on your feet. Wiggle your toes, feel your socks, or your slippers against your skin. Now, let your attention slowly travel up to your ankles, up your shins to your knees, up your thighs to your hips. Slowly noticing your lower body. Continue your Soft Belly breathing. Notice the tailbone of your spine, coming up your torso, into your chest, noticing your ribs expand and contract as you breathe. Noticing your upper spine, and coming into your neck.
Lift and drop your shoulders, noticing any tension there. Send your awareness down both your arms. Bend your elbows, circle your wrists, wiggle your fingers. Slowly come back up your arms and back into to your shoulders and into your neck. Circle your head. Feel your breath in your throat, and now in your mouth and nose. Up to your eyes and around your skull. Still breathing into your Soft Belly.
Repeat if you like. How do you feel? You can play soft, comforting music as you do this. Light a candle. Light some incense. Light a fire. You can do it waiting in line. You can do it at home.
Being in your whole body makes you more calm, which makes you more resourceful. You remember you have intuition, instincts, your heart. Your mind can be a good alarm system, but it doesn’t have all the answers. Use your whole self.
Have a conversation with your anxiety.
One thing I know for sure is that my anxiety would like to be in charge of everything. If I let it, it runs rampant, wreaking havoc with my body and my well-being. I have had to have some major sit-downs with my anxiety to understand its role in my life.
Having a conversation with it is really helpful. “Hello Anxiety. What’s going on?” Your anxiety will, at first, be surprised you are talking to it and may ignore you, but if you keep trying, you’ll be amazed at what happens. It usually goes something like this:
“Hello Anxiety. What’s going on?” “What do you mean what’s going on? It’s an emergency of epic proportions. We need to prepare. We’re in danger. We need help. We need to get going!” “Hold on there Anxiety. Slow down. You’re right. There is something going on. Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention. I’ll take a look.” “Taking a look won’t work! You need to do something! Now!” “What would you suggest I do?” “I don’t know, but something! NOW! All hell is going to break loose. You are moments away from being homeless, broke, and sick!!!”
This is when I realize no more useful information is going to come from my anxiety. “Thank you for alerting me Anxiety. Can you go and sit over there and wait while I engage other parts of myself to investigate this.” At this point, Anxiety gets annoyed and sits down. It pipes up again, the intrepid alarm-ringer that it is, but I give it my best stern teacher stare every time it does it.
I don’t want to banish it because my anxiety is very useful. It’s when the alarm bell keeps ringing and ringing and ringing long past its usefulness.
What I have come to learn by doing this is that Anxiety is a great alarm system, but this alarm system is not a great manager. It creates crises where there are none. Its way of managing things is by running around and not getting anything done. It’s not helpful.
I don’t vilify my anxiety. It has a job. I honor the job it does. It still has a seat at the table. But once the alarm has been sounded, there are smarter, better parts of myself to assess the situation and decide on a course of action. Anxiety is super-crappy at assessment and planning.
Having a conversation with your anxiety, thanking it, and asking it to step aside can provide a huge amount of relief. Don’t take my word for it. Give it a try!
And don’t worry. Anxiety will give you many chances to practice this!
Think better thoughts.
Examining your thoughts is another way to provide tremendous relief. Let’s say you feel anxious, uncertain, overwhelmed. If it’s not too much, feel that feeling in your body. Feel around the edges of the feeling. If you feel okay with that, go in a little deeper.
Ask yourself, what thoughts are giving you this feeling? Start with a guess. “The world is falling apart.” “This is going to get worse before it gets better.” “I’m afraid for me, my more vulnerable friends, my family.” “The economy is going to collapse.” There may be a bunch of thoughts swirling around in your head. They’re simply not helpful thoughts. Thinking those thoughts make you feel those feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, and worry. Which sends you into fight, flight, or freeze. Then, you loop around in there, over and over.
Think better thoughts. Start with the thought that is causing you the most grief. What’s its opposite? Can you find evidence that the opposite is also true. “The world is falling apart. The world isn’t falling apart.” Find three examples of why the opposite is true. 1. there are expert scientists who are working on this right now, 2. people are paying attention and changing their behaviors right now, including me. If I can do it, anyone can. 3. I look out my window and the birds are singing. It doesn’t look any different. I could go for a walk and feel better.
This isn’t about putting your head in the sand. Your mind, left unsupervised, will come up with the worst-case scenario and play it over and over in your mind. It will find evidence for this scenario. It’s within your power to deliberately balance this out with another perspective. And there is always another perspective.
You can also ask, “Is that true?”
Managing your mind will make you feel better. It will give you perspective. It will help calm you and you make your best decisions when you’re calm.
Do your part.
If you’re worried, overwhelmed, anxious you may be contributing to the overall panic. I’m sure that’s not your intention.
Finding peace and balance within yourself is a great place to start. There are many things you can’t control, so put your energy where you can make a difference.
You can’t help others if you’re drowning in anxiety soup. But, when you’re calm, you take care of yourself, you get good ideas on how to help others. You do your part.
Let me know if you need support.
As a coach, this is a big part of what I do, so reach out if you need extra support. If you have some stubborn anxiety or if you’d like to do the Climbing Into Your Body with me guiding you, I’d be happy to help.
One of the main tenets of coaching is that we make our best decisions when we’re calm. It also feels so much better.
Take care of yourself in these times of uncertainty. It’s a great place to start
