Journeying Through the Middle of Life
The Hero's Journey
The Hero’s Journey can be a really helpful way to reframe the middle of our lives. When you think of this phase as a journey it can provide a context and a way forward. When you realize it’s a Hero’s Journey, it can help you know what to do next.
Joseph Campbell, the father of the Hero’s Journey, studied myths and cultures and stories from around the world and realized that there is was a common structure in the stories we tell. Since then, many story tellers, from Star Wars to Bridesmaids have used this framework. The reason these movies are so compelling is that they are telling our story back to us. We intrinsically know this framework.
It starts in the “Ordinary World”. Everything is humming along as usual.
The Call to Adventure.
Then there is the Call to Adventure. It can be a new job, the idea to start a new business, the desire to move, finally retiring, the yearning for new love, the desire to get fit again. While it can be your choice, it can also be thrust upon you: an empty nest, the loss of a career, the loss of a loved one, your health.
We recognize the Call to Adventure as it invites us into a new chapter, a new phase, a new way of being.
Refusing the Call
The first time change comes knocking, we refuse the call. It’s the unknown, it requires too much effort, we’re afraid. We’re comfortable right here. Even if we don’t like it, we know it. We go back to the career we were desperate to leave. We hope our kids live with us until they’re at least 30. We stay in relationships that make us crazy. We’re the Hobbits who don’t want to leave The Shire.
Crossing the Threshold.
But then you see signs, or things come across your path, you meet others, you meet a mentor. You finally have enough money to retire. The kids leave. There’s an opportunity.
The journey that once seemed impossible becomes possible, even probable. So you accept the call. You cross the threshold to a new adventure, leaving the ordinary world behind. You have some early successes. It’s fun! What could possibly go wrong?
The Road of Trials
This is the part where things don’t go right. It’s harder than you thought. You’re trying everything, but nothing is working. That new house is a money pit. That novel is lackluster. Business is not picking up. The non-profit you’re working at is no better than your last job, but with a fraction of the money. You’re attracting the wrong kind of guy or client. Your new boss is the same as the old boss. Those early successes feel like a ruse.
The Ordeal
At this stage, you can feel the most alone. What were you thinking? You wish you could go back to the way it was. But, you can’t go back and you can’t seem to go forward. You can’t crack the code. Why isn’t this working?
In the latest Star Wars movie, Po asks Lando how they did it the first time. How did they defeat their enemies? How did they know what to do? The answer is the answer of all answers. They didn’t know what to do. They just faced what was in front of them, made decisions, and took the next step, doing what was required of them, imperfectly. And they did it together.
They used skills and abilities they didn’t know they had. There was no Light Saber Academy on Tatooine. No ‘How to Outwit the Emperor’ 101. They learned everything they needed to learn while they were on their journey. They met wise elders, companions, allies along the way. They learned skills and abilities through trial and error. They kept going.
Becoming the Hero
Often, the middle of life requires something new of us. The reason we get stuck is because we don’t know this yet. We keep trying what has always worked in the past.
The answer is in turning towards what isn’t working, rather than turning away. What do I need to do? Who do I need to be? What is my next best step?
There is a shift when you turn towards. You get answers. You discover your own code, your own guidance system. It’s where you master new skills and do scary things you’ve never done before.
The Boon.
Then things start to happen. There’s flow. You’re getting it. It feels magical, and maybe it is. You’ve also mastered new skills, met new people, used inner resources you didn’t know were there. You have a new confidence in yourself.
A Journey: Reframing gets your mind right.
Reframing the middle of life as a hero’s journey can really help. We’re thrust into these middle years whether we like it or not and this stage comes with different challenges than the ones we’ve faced in the past.
Reframing it gives you the permission to really look at where you’re going. It provides a map, a context.
You’re not alone. You just haven’t yet met your allies, your guide, your companions yet. They’re out there on their own adventures, waiting to meet you.
I like to think of coaching as a guide for these times. Life has become more complex. We are living longer. We have more and therefore have the opportunity to self-actualize, which generations before us never had. We’re bombarded with news that leaves us bereft, but don’t know what to do to help.
Each of us is a puzzle piece with an answer that will create a bigger picture. We don’t need to know “the” answer. We need to know our answer. The search for that answer will be your own Hero’s Journey.
