How to Make Summer Last
(Hint: Fear Gobbles Time.)
Ah, to be a kid again.
Remember the last day of school when you were a kid? As you ran out of the school doors, summer lay in front of you in an endless dream of dripping popsicles, afternoon swims, bike rides with your friends, hikes, reading what you wanted. With no end in sight, your new uniform became shorts, t-shirts, bathing suits and bare feet. You had nothing but time.
And then when (gasp!) it finally came to an end, you arrived back at school, a mere two months later, barely recognizing the other kids. So much time had passed. So much had changed!
Summer holidays lasted forever back then, and now as adults we marvel that those summers were a mere two months long. Now, we count the weeks lamenting how short it is. We try to go to the beach, read a book, steal an afternoon here or there.
What is it about time?
When we think about time, we think about how fast it goes by and that it’s going to keep flying by faster and faster.
What if that isn’t true? What if time changes throughout our lives? What if we’re entering a time in our lives that returns us to that slowed down of time of our childhoods.
Time Through the Ages
As Kids: Once we gained some independence from our parents, we were learning who we were, what the world was, how things worked. Learning adventures surrounded us. Our lives required deep involvement, every day. We had a lot to learn.
As Adolescents: Time with our friends and new things like love absorbed us. Everything else, particularly our parents and home life, became a huge, stifling bore where time crawled.
As Young Adults: We got into the routine of figuring out how to pay the rent, how to be on our own. Our time horizons were short and immediate. We kept our heads down, had fun, tried to keep our bank balances above $0. The promise of a bigger and better future kept us going.
As Parents: Bills and kids, kids and bills. Those of us with kids fell exhausted into bed at the end of each day. Or we got caught up in our work. The future was friendly, promising a bigger house, a better car, more in the bank. We were “in it”, inside time. Time would take care of things. We never thought much about time.
At Midlife: Suddenly, we lift our heads and so much time has gone by, the promise of having all the time in the world fades, and you wonder if you’ve wasted time. You also realize there’s only so much time ahead of you.
(I’ve borrowed this idea from Barbara Sher, the godmother of life coaching. Her book, It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now is a riveting read. It’s hard to believe it was written in 1998 as it’s still so relevant.)
Time-Stealing Fear
In the middle of life, fear sets in – that the “kids” are taking all the jobs, that you’re aging out, that you haven’t done enough, or you’ve done it all wrong, chosen the wrong path, or you don’t know where you’re going or if you even want to go.
When you’re feeling the fear that these thoughts create, the rest of your feelings take a back seat, your creativity goes into hiding, and your focus is on imminent danger, worst-case scenarios. Hope and positivity are squeezed out in favor of adrenalin-filled dread. Fear takes over and starts to gobble up your time.
Fears, anxieties, worries wind their way into your life and they become a way of life. We don’t even know we’re doing it. But, we’re unconsciously living in a way that speeds up time, gobbles it up in fact.
Slowing It Down
But, what if you slowed down and stopped running to keep up with something that barely matters to you any more. What if you decided that you’d lived your life perfectly up until now, acknowledging, without judgment, where you are in life right now is perfect. And truly wondered and thought about what was next.
What if all this fear is a signal that you’re transitioning to a better life? A second act where you aren’t caught up in serving others, but in serving you? What if all this worry about getting older is your portal into thinking about life in a different way.
Maybe all those things you didn’t have time for, didn’t have the money for, didn’t have the drive for are all right there, waiting for you to notice them again. What if it’s time to indulge what you really want?
What Could You Do This Summer to Slow Down Time?
- Deep experience expands time — like learning, when you were a kid, to be human. What if you returned to that now? What lights you up? What are you curious about? Who do you want to hang with? What have you always wanted to do?
- Living in the present, instead of in the worries in your head, slows down time. Get up a little earlier and spend ten minutes listening to the morning birds, go for a walk after dinner, cook a “summer” dinner. Make time by introducing some new things into your daily routine. Do slow things.
- Get out your crafts, your coloring books, your bike, that sci-fi trilogy, your crazy striped pants that no one else likes.
- Do time expanding things – get into nature, go for a hike, spend an afternoon swimming, track that parade of ants marching up your driveway.
- Leave your phone at home or in the car – you don’t need to take a photo and share it with everyone – you’re actually giving your time away when you do that.
Play With the Idea of Time
Notice how much time in a day, in a week, you spend worrying, in anxiety, fearing the worst and learn a new way. If you stood outside your life for a moment, if you were the CEO of you, would you think you spent the right amount of time worrying and fearing worst-case scenarios.
Could you use some of that time to, instead, choose time expanding things. Get back to you. Be curious. Choose wonder over worry.
I’ll leave you with this note from Barbara Sher: Originality, creativity, curiosity, none of them is diminishing. In fact they may be increasing. Everything that was valuable about you when you were young is waiting inside you, intact and shining like a new set of tools, ready to use whenever you like. Your years of experience have provided you with the language and feelings, know-how, strength, and memories, like the keys of a piano, ready to be played whenever you have a tune. You are all the people you ever were, and you can tap into them whenever you’re ready and use them to gather even more riches. Only the passing of time could give you that.Choose time expanding things. ,
Book Club News!
We had a great time in our Beautiful No book club!
