When You Want to Give Up

You’re scared. You’re tired. You’re Disappointed. What now?

I Can't

I talk a lot about dreaming big, managing your mind, doing the things that will get you where you want to go. But sometimes we hit the wall of “I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to. This is bullshit.”

This isn't working.

Maybe you’ve gotten your hopes up about having the life you’ve always wanted and it’s not working out, it’s too hard, it’s not going according to plan, it’s not going your way. 

You’re thinking, ‘screw this’, I just want to go back to being numb, to not knowing, to my routine, and just forget about all this. The disappointment is just too much.

Maybe you’re even mad at me, as your coach, that I got your hopes up, and it’s all a bunch of crap. Again.

This Sucks

You did all this hard stuff because you wanted to feel great about your life. You wanted to feel great, excited, motivated. You wanted to leave behind the sadness, the depression, the anxiety. But now, you feel bad, or hurt, or angry, or lost.  Or alone. Again. wtf?

The Power of Negative Feelings

The thing is that you’re human and it’s just not possible to feel good all the time. Forcing yourself to do this isn’t going to get you where you want to go. Sometimes, you just need to complain, to feel bad, hurt, angry.

If you embarked on this journey with me, if you’ve done any of the exercises I suggest, then you’ve probably done things that make you feel hurt, mad, and scared. You’ve gotten your hopes up, and now you’re feeling all the pain for all the times it didn’t work out, for how hard it is, for the lack of support, for the time you’ve lost. You’ve just traded one set of problems for another.

You’ve told others about your dream. How embarrassing when they ask for an update when you have nothing to show for it. What were you thinking?

Time for a Stomp Around

What do you do when this happens? Do you blame yourself? Do you blame others? Do you blame me? Do you distract yourself? Do you say forget it? Do you keep a stiff upper lip? Do you feel depressed? Does anxiety creep back in? Do you hide out? Do you let others agendas override your own? Do you tell others things are great, even when you feel that pit in your belly? Good. Feel it all. 

Call a friend. Tell them how much this all sucks. Mutter and putter about the house. Slam a few things. Write angry things in your journal and then tear the pages out. In fact, throw out your stupid journal. Get pissed. Feel it all. 

Stomp around.

Permission

With all the focus on positivity, sometimes we just need permission to vent. We feel things and that’s ok. Gritting your teeth and pretending you’re not feeling them isn’t helpful. Maybe we need to tell someone about it. We need to let each other know. Because chances are someone is feeling exactly the way you are. It’s just human and part of life. It hurts.

Is this the place you always get to?

Is this the place you always get to and then you give up? Have you been here before? Does it feel familiar? 

Is it possible that you’re scared? Is it possible that you’ve reached a point where this gets real? Is it beginning to look like you could get all you wanted or that you won’t? Could it mean you need to get out there and find out and start doing the things you’ve always avoided doing – reaching out for help when you’d rather not, talking to intimidating people, looking at yet another blank page, feeling vulnerable, looking like a fool, having a hard conversation, letting some things go so you can get new things?

Do you secretly wish that you didn’t have to do any of these things? It’s true. All this adulting sucks.

Your Heros

Sometimes it can help to know that those people you admire have gone through tough times too. With the recent movie ‘A Star is Born’, Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga made it look easy to live a dream life. However, they both reiterated that it took a lot of failures, determination, grit to get to that pinnacle place.

You've Forgotten How Far You've Come

When you’re feeling like this, it’s almost impossible to remember how far you’ve come. You don’t see how strong you’ve become by doing all the hard things that have led you to this place. 

You can reframe this as a plateau on a mountain hike where the thought of climbing that next part of the mountain doesn’t seem possible. You don’t even want to anymore. You sit, you rest, you bitch about why you thought this was a good idea, you check out the view from here, you wish you’d brought more snacks.

In the past, everyone had to do this journey alone. If they were lucky, they had a supportive group of friends, or a partner. If they didn’t they got stuck here. Now, you have so many resources, including me as your coach. That’s why we’re here. Not for the easy times, but for the hard times. Lean on us. This is what we do. We’re not teachers who are going to grade you. We’re not judging you because you didn’t complete your homework, or because you feel depressed, or because you took a break. This is when we know you need support. This is when we wish you’d lean on us. This is when we know we can help. Really. We’re behind the scenes, your confidant. We know. We’ve been there for ourselves and for others already. 

Choose Your Hard

I read a meme about weight loss recently – Being overweight is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard. 

Life is like this. Choose your hard. If you think you can forget about your dream or your wish for more, or your desire for a life that is aligned with who you are, or your belief that you can find like-minded companions for your journey, think again. Haven’t you already tried that? Your desires is as much a part of you as your arm or your leg. They are you. They’re not going away, and that can be painful too. Sometimes I wish mine would too, but they don’t. They just don’t.

You’re doing great. You really are. Maybe it’s time to check out the next level of this mountain. You have everything you need to climb it. Maybe you don’t want to. Maybe you want to stay right here. But is that true? Do you? If you got to the end of your life and looked back on this, would that be enough for you? Resting is good. Do that for awhile. Then choose your hard. 

When you want to give up …